Sara Ann O'Sullivan

Another set of exams down! Only about three more this semester before I hit the final stretch of my last semester of basic sciences. Some days feel like weeks, and others feel like seconds. I’m trying to hold on to every last moment, grounding myself in the here and now. I mean, what a wonder it is to be alive and studying medicine! But also… the days are long.

I did relatively well on my last exam—go me!—but sometimes it feels like there’s never a break.

It’s funny, or maybe ironic or maybe just maybe it is poetic? I thought I’d be less homesick this semester, but I find myself thinking about home more than ever. I want to call home, hear my sister’s voice, but at the same time, there’s this underlying fear that if I give in to the homesickness, I’ll lose focus. It’s a weird mental tug-of-war.

In my program, we have a final exam at the end of the 15-week semester. For us 5th-semester students, the first 10 weeks are for new material, and the last five are dedicated to Comp. You need at least a 50% to move on to the next step of the program. At the start of the semester, 50% sounded easy. But as it creeps closer, I’m starting to worry. And, honestly? I’d really just like to go home.

In reflection, I don’t mind living in Barbados—it’s beautiful—but it’s not home. I miss my home country’s food, the culture, my family, my friends. And I think the looming pressure of Comp makes it worse. We all know that if we don’t hit that 50%, we’ll be stuck here longer, away from the people and places we love. Don’t get me wrong, I’m beyond grateful to be studying medicine and earning my degree. But there’s a certain level of fear that comes with it.

On a brighter note, I’ve been writing again! My poems have taken on deeper themes (shocking, I know), and I’m realizing that at the core of it all, I’m homesick. And I’m not afraid to admit it. Being away changes your perspective—it makes you appreciate things in a way you never did before. I mean, I’ll have an amazing story to tell my future kids one day. I’ve seen incredible things, learned new skills (hello, baking and homemade soup-making), and pushed myself in ways I never expected.

But it’s funny how distance makes you reconsider things. Some of the things I thought I didn’t like? Turns out, I actually do. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder, and I’m ready to power through, finish strong, and head home with plenty of stories to dazzle people.

Oh, and for those who were wondering—last week’s baking adventure? Cowboy cookies. If you haven’t tried them, you should. They’re ridiculously good.

Thanks for being on this adventure with me!